So today I was in one of the many local grocery stores that are my place of work. I passed my a random guy, not unattractive as far as guys go, but not anyone I'd typically take notice of & had that "where do I know him from feeling." As I passed he stared in the same recognizing expression. We passed like strangers, faces strait ahead but with eyes locked. It was bizarre & naturally I started racking my mind as to where I knew him from. One of the first things that crossed my mind is my ex girlfriends roommate, you know the one that we slept with at lest twice . . . whatever his name is . . and I realized that I have no idea. This is something that happened just a couple years ago. I could go about justifying it with how ridiculously hot she was & explain my thought patterns but it doesn't make the situation feel better.
Once upon a time I prided myself in cherishing each and every partner. As long as I knew each and every name & could recall them with some level of appreciation it was good or right or s sacred or some other judgment term that meant I was a good person who didn't toy with people's hearts & had moral high ground. Well so much for all of that. I'm not sure how I feel about all of that. On one hand it sounds like self delusion and giving in to morals that I don't necessarily agree with. On the other it sounds like betraying my own morals and disrespecting myself. At this point this is all really just baggage -- can't change the past, but I do need to know if I'm regretful & determine if it is something I still value.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Lotus in the Muck
This is a personal blog dealing with the issues that present themselves in my life. It is where I store the dirty parts that need some work -- the muck and mud of my life. The goal is to have a place of reflection and maybe even transform some of it into something more healthy and beautiful.
